Porn Ed. by a Porn Vet
Growing up, my first experience with porn was watching late-night premium channels that would play sexy shows when kids are usually fast asleep. These shows usually open by telling a story, playing out some chance encounter, and eventually having soft-core sex during the last five minutes. In the digital age we live in now, porn can be viewed online at any time, anywhere.
In a recent episode of This is Life with Lisa Ling, Lisa breaks down the hot topic of pornography and opens a discussion around youth exposure to online porn. The episode inspired me to share my perspective and offer my own two-cents about porn literacy. With online porn being so accessible and growing at such a fast rate, I don’t know why we aren’t talking about it often and openly.
Take It From Me
I starred in my first porn film at 22 years old, playing a girl-next-door. I played a super smiley girl cooking in the kitchen, who magically decides to run around outside topless, then notices her neighbor watching and invites him over for sex. (I’ve never been that bold in real life. I don’t even know if I’d do something like that today.) Then the boy comes over and we have sex in a bunch of acrobatic positions, and I ask him to spray his load all over my face. I remember asking, the film crew, “Do people really do that?”
Porn is its own avenue of entertainment. It involves taking the act of sex and molding it into a performance fit to be shown off by bright lights and an HD camera. The real, unscripted act of sex is an entirely different ball game. That’s what everyone, everywhere should understand.
If you take it from me: Porn, although highly entertaining, is not the best representation of real-life intimacy.
Unreleased Bloopers
One thing that isn’t shown or even heard of is the conversation performers have before filming sex scenes. We discuss each other’s likes, dislikes, do’s, don’ts and personal preferences. We discuss all those things with each other before doing anything, so we can minimize the times we need to stop when cameras are rolling. So, what you see is just two people getting it on with precision.
Consent is crucial! Consent is a major part of the act of intimacy between individuals. Who knows what one person likes and what makes that person cringe? You have to ask. One time, I stopped a porn scene in the middle of filming because my partner kept spitting on my nipples. It really grossed me out. Swapping bodily fluids has never been my thing, and the more experienced I became in the industry, the more comfortable I felt to speak up.
Losing Sensitivity
Having access to thousands of porn videos in hundreds of different categories is a mind-blowing reality. If a person can look up their most desired fantasy in a search box and view it in high-definition, vanilla intercourse may not ever give the same effect. I’ve been with a man who needed to have five different windows open of his favorite porn scenes while we were having sex for him to have an orgasm. I’ve also been with a man who could only have an orgasm from watching videos of his ex-girlfriend on his phone. Wild, right?
Our seemingly infinite access to pornography has a real effect on us as a society. We run the risk of losing the essence of human connection through our ability to get instant gratification from porn. The only way around it is to get out there and have some real experiences!
Intimacy IRL
It may sound nerve-wracking to force yourself into the coffee shop where you saw that really attractive person and work up the nerve to ask him/her on a date. Have courage! Do it anyway. Let your heart race and figure it out as you go along. It won’t be easy. It won’t be like porn. It’ll be even better. It will be real.
Sometimes, I get noticed by someone out in public who’s seen me in a porn film. Sometimes, there’s a look of excitement in the eyes of that person as if I will strip down naked at any moment; as if I’ll start giving blow jobs in the freezer aisle even though I’m simply searching for non-dairy ice cream.
So much good can come from a smile and “hello”. Why don’t we start with that? Real connection begins with curiosity and understanding. If we’re having dialogue, we’re moving forward, right?
Eduaction is Key
I’ve started watching shows that have adult content with my nine-year-old brother. When we fast-forward through the sex scenes, we also talk about them. Last year, I found him watching a couple kissing and touching each other on YouTube. That’s when I knew I needed to stay one step ahead. I want him to feel like he can talk to me about anything.
Porn is everywhere, spreading like a wildfire that can never be tamed. All we can do is talk about it, person to person. Now that I make my own adult content, it reflects everything I believe in: sensuality, artistic creativity, and elegance. Not a single detail feels misplaced. I create photos and videos that showcase my own version of pleasure; productions I can be proud of.
The conversation around porn and its influence will go on for centuries to come. How can we lead the conversation? Let’s bring awareness to the contrast between what we see and what things can be.
